A month ago I heard the best story ever!  I don’t want to make it a trend to post stories that aren’t of a personal nature but I heard this story and had to pass it along.  So I was working at my restaurant and I was working a table of 12 which is the limit for one server to take so I was running ragged.  I dropped off all the drinks and the old grandma at the far end of the table withered “I didn’t get a straw.”  I was in a hurry to get to my other table so I quickly pulled a straw out of my apron and tossed it in her direction and exclaimed “JORDAN!”  like I was shooting a game winner.  She laughed and withered “Oh, I have a story for you.”  I explained that I was quite busy and had other affairs to attend to but I would make an effort to create time for her.  I decided not to take anymore tables because this party was boozing pretty good and their bill was approaching two hundred dollars.  I got all that I needed to get done accomplished and went over to the old lady to hear her story and suck a few extra dollars out of her.  What I got was the greatest tip ever, this story.

            Martha and her husband went to Las Vegas in the mid 1990’s for a vacation.  Now Martha had grown up on a farm all her life and the biggest city she was ever in was Rockford, Illinois for a Anti-Civil Rights rally in the mid 60’s.  So Las Vegas was like nothing she had ever seen before and she was paranoid that everyone was after her bucket of quarters.  Her husband then chimes in and explains how she is clutching these quarters like the baby Jesus.  He suggests that they should go get something to eat but she insists that she drop her bucket off at the room before they get dinner.  “NOone cares about your damn quarters!” he exclaimed but she insisted so he conceded.  He went to the restaurant to get a table and she headed towards the elevators to make the drop off. 

            She pushed the button and waited for doors to open.  When the doors opened, she was shocked to see what she called two “well to do black men” because they were wearing nice suits and fancy hats.   She then explained how her natural reaction was to wait for the next one but didn’t want to appear racist because, and I quote, “you know, the blacks turned out not to be nearly as bad as people had made them out to be.”  By this time I have people at the other end of the table raising their glasses to me to suggest that they would like a refill on their iced tea or whatever and I just looked at them, gave them the 1 minute gesture and asked Grandma Time to continue. 

            So she got into the elevator and quickly turned back towards the doors as they closed trapping her inside with the two men.  “I figured them to be pimps or something, you know because of the fancy hats.”  Knowing pimps, they were obviously interested in her quarters so she was holding them tight and cursing her husband in her head for getting a room on the 33^rd floor.  The elevator still hadn’t moved and one of the black guys said “hit the floor.”  She immediately dropped to her knees and flung the quarters up in the air and began exclaiming “just take em!  Just take em!”  So its raining George Washington 25 cent pieces all over the place and the two black men can’t help but bust out laughing hysterically. 

            Embarrassed, she realized that these “pimps” were not after her quarters, but just asking her to “hit the floor” where her room was located so that the machine could take her there.  The two gentlemen helped her load up her quarters, “probably pocketing a few”, and the doors opened to the 33^rd floor.  She quickly exited the elevator and got alarmed when she noticed the twosome had also exited the elevator and was following her down the hallway.  It was at this point that she realized that these “pimps” weren’t after her quarters.  Of course they would think that she had more valuable items in the room so she sprinted ahead quickly turned the key (remember when hotel rooms had keys?) and quickly slammed the door.  Because you know that had it been a card that she would of had to swipe, it would have taken her a minimum 37 swipes before she was granted access.  She peered through the peephole and saw them casually walk by but a fire alarm wasn’t going to get her to leave that room, let alone the early bird special that was awaiting her downstairs.  She waited there for an hour before her husband finally lost his mind sitting at the table and came up to the room. 

            The next morning, there was a knock at the door and the husband looked through the peephole and noticed that it was the concierge.  He opened the door and was presented two dozen roses, each rose had a hundred dollar bill pinned to it.  The ancient couple insisted that they must have the wrong room but the bell boy insisted.  Martha found a small card on the side and opened it.  “Thanks for the best laugh we have ever had”  signed “Eddie Murphy and Michael Jordan!”